Today was a running day today and I did that in the gym, 45 minutes of a mixture of easy and tempo running.
I followed that up by a good hour of yoga in the gym before getting myself ready. It felt good to have a day for training but it did leave me feeling absolutely starving all day.
At the moment my appetite is one of my biggest problems, I feel like I am hungry all the time and I don’t seem to be able to eat enough. I’m not sure that is just to do with the running but is also a symptom of the stress I am feeling about the whole thing.
Today I actually wanted to talk to you a bit about the aftereffects of suicide because I am still feeling them now. For me it totally changed my life and what I wanted. I am now more spiritual and realise that life is short so I want to live in a way that makes me happy rather than coming from a place of obligation which is the main reason I am a yoga teacher.
On the flip side of that it has also had a significant effect on other members of my family and has changed my relationship with them beyond recognition. I am mentioning this today because issues with my brother have arisen again and it is a bit like picking a scab.
The biggest blockage to my relationship with my brother is his inability to deal with the emotions that arose after my dad committed suicide. I don’t like to generalise but my bother is a stereotypical man who does not like talking about his feelings and the stiff upper lip is always on display.
In many circumstance this is a good quality to have but when something like suicide of a family member occurs it has a lot of disadvantages and actually stops you from dealing with and exploring the emotions that you are feeling. This exploration leads to understanding and allows you to process everything and move forward.
So the long and the short of it is that before my dad committed suicide my brother and I were really close, probably closers than most siblings but since that fateful day our relationship has totally broken down to the point where I do not know who he is or even understand where he is coming from.
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I want to share this with you and the pain this breakdown still causes me because I want to make it clear that suicide does not happen only to the person who commits it but to the whole family. Some of the injuries it causes will develop into scars that never heal.So I would like to do everything I can to help people who are thinking about suicide to stop this disease from infecting more families.
Ok, so enough of the emotional stuff and back on to my day and what I was eating.
Post-Run Snack - Dates
I have found that eating 3 or 4 dates is the best way to restore energy after a run.
Breakfast - Banana Bread & Yogurt
I had 3 banana bread muffins (I know it is a lot but I was hungry) with a pot of Soya Blueberry yogurt
Lunch - Sausage Sandwich
I was feeling a bit crappy today because of problems in the relationship with my brother and could barely think about eating so I had a vegan sausage sandwich with wholemeal bread. I definitely needed the carbs and fat to improve comfort me.
Snack - Rice Cake & Nut Butter
I only had a small amount of nut butter left and had so scrape the container to get enough for this snack but there is more being delivered tomorrow thanks to Amazon Subscribe & Save so I am sure to overdose over the next few days!
Dinner - Indian Takeaway
This is now becoming a weekly thing and as I always have enough for another meal the day after I am getting a bit sick of it. So from now on it is going to become a fortnightly thing so that I can enjoy it a bit more when I do have it.
Evening Snack - Chocolate
I only had a little bit tonight but was just enough to make me feel good.
I felt absolutely exhausted this evening and when it came to going to bed I just about managed to get my yoga mat. When doing my restorative yoga and meditation I kept nodding off, like in supported Child’s Pose and in the final meditation so I nearly spent the night sleeping on my yoga mat!
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